There’s an old saying that goes, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” Somehow, it doesn’t quite fit for Gen Z. Those born between 1997 and 2012 are coming of age in a very different way and with very different outcomes than the generations before them. 

Parents, grandparents, leaders, teachers, and other adults who care are seeing evidence that something is different. And though there are, perhaps, scattered silver linings, the overwhelming sense is that our kids are in trouble. They are at risk of missing the most important foundations of life. In a world of endless distractions driven by 24/7 interactions, our kids remain strangely alone. Connection is hard to come by. Purpose seems distant. Faith is longed for but inaccessible. 

For just a moment, imagine what it’s like to be young today. Most kids barely recall a life before technology rushed in and overwhelmed them. By adolescence, friendship is a function of social streaks, influence, and follower counts. Learning requires mistakes but it’s impossible to make them without the whole world watching. First love comes with a swipe and flame emojis not the gentle sweetness of awkwardly holding hands at a school dance. When kids talk about being outside, it’s more likely they mean estranged from social circles than exploring nature. The communal fun of Friday night at the movies has been replaced by Netflix droning on a solitary laptop screen in the corner of a quiet bedroom. When tragedy strikes, our kids are more likely to run to Facebook than straight to each other. Pornhub blinds them with sex all while stealing their innocence and distorting holy desire. More than joy, or hope, or peace, or confidence, or acceptance, or accomplishment, or thankfulness, or belonging, Gen Z tells us they feel one thing: anxiety. We can hardly wonder why.

Recently, Young Life carried out a global study on the power of relationships in Gen Z. We wanted to know how we can help the next generation flourish. The results are shaping our path forward. The RELATE Project confirmed that relationships matter. Our kids are starving for them. And second only to family, positive relationships with adults make a profound difference in Gen Z’s overall development. (For a deep dive into RELATE, visit relate.younglife.org.)

Half of teens say they have a hard time making friends at school. It’s even more true for girls. They tell us it takes time to build trust and even then it can be hard to be confident of one’s own worth. Fully one third don’t believe they are worthy of being loved. They mask stress about school, finances, and the future with music and activities.

Adults may feel compelled to say something but Gen Z is looking for listeners. They long for people to hear and understand what they are experiencing. Self-concept, belonging, and relationships form an essential triad. These things tend to increase and decrease together. Our kids’ responses to the study reveal that faith is a framing story. Faith is a way they make sense of the world. But getting to faith is the challenge. Everything seems perfectly designed to keep them from making faith connections.